Tag Archives: Anger Management

Seriously, Lighten Up!

The psychology of anger is that you wanted something, and somebody prevented you from getting it. Somebody came as a block, as an obstacle. Your whole energy was going to get something and somebody blocked the energy. You could not get what you wanted.

Psychology Of Anger

Now this frustrated energy becomes anger…anger against the person who has destroyed the possibility of fulfilling your desire.

You cannot prevent anger because anger is a by-product, but you can do something else so that the by-product does not happen at all.

In life, remember one thing: never desire anything so intensely as if it is a question of life and death. Be a little playful.

I am not saying, don’t desire — because that will become a repression in you. I am saying, desire but let your desire be playful. If you can get it, good. If you cannot get it, perhaps it was not the right time; we will see next time. Learn something of the art of the player.

We become so identified with the desire, then when it is blocked or prevented our own energy becomes fire; it burns you. And in that state of almost insanity you can do anything, for which you are going to repent. It can create a series of events that your whole life may get entangled with. Because of this, for thousands of years, they have been saying, “Become desireless.” Now that is asking something inhuman. Even the people who have said, “Become desireless” have also given you a motive, a desire: if you become desireless you will attain to the ultimate freedom of moksha, nirvana. That too is a desire.

You can repress desire for some bigger desire, and you may even forget that you are still the same person. You have only changed the target. Certainly, there are not many people who are trying to get moksha, so you will not have any great competition. In fact, people will be very happy that you have started going towards moksha — one competitor less in life. But as far as you are concerned nothing has changed. And if anything can be created which disturbs your desire for moksha, again the anger will flare up. And this time it will be far bigger, because now the desire is far bigger. Anger is always proportionate to desire.

I have heard….

There were three monasteries, Christian monasteries, very close together in the forest. One day three monks met at the crossroads. They were coming from the villages back to their monasteries; each belonged to a different monastery. They were tired. They sat down under the trees and started talking about something to pass the time.

One man said, “One thing you will have to accept is that as far as scholarship is concerned, learning is concerned, our monastery is the best.”

The other monk said, “I agree, it is true. Your people are far more scholarly, but as far as austerities are concerned, discipline is concerned, spiritual training is concerned, you don’t come anywhere near to our monastery. And remember, scholarship will not be able to help you realize the truth. It is only spiritual discipline, and we are the best as far as spiritual discipline is concerned.”

The third monk said, “You are both right. The first monastery is best in learning, scholarship. The second monastery is best in spiritual discipline, austerities, fasting. But as far as humbleness, egolessness is concerned, we are the tops.” Humbleness, egolessness…but the man seemed to be absolutely unaware of what he was saying: “As far as humbleness, egolessness is concerned, we are the tops.”

Even humbleness can become an ego trip. Egolessness can become an ego trip. One has to be very aware. You should not try to stop anger. You should not, in any way, keep the anger controlled, otherwise it will burn you, it will destroy you. What I am saying is: you have to go to the roots. The root is always some desire which has been blocked, and the frustration has created the anger. Don’t take desires very seriously. Don’t take anything seriously.

It is unfortunate that no religion in the world has accepted the sense of humor as one of the basic qualities for the religious man. I want you to understand that a sense of humor, playfulness, should be the fundamental qualities. You should not take things so seriously, then anger does not arise. You can simply laugh at the whole thing. You can start laughing at yourself. You can start laughing at situations in which you would have been angry and mad.

Use playfulness, a sense of humor, laughter. It is a big world, and there are millions of people. Everybody is trying to get to something. It is very natural that sometimes people may get into each other’s ways — not that they want to, it is just the situation, it is accidental.

I have heard about one Sufi mystic, Junnaid, who every day in the evening prayer used to thank existence for its compassion, for its love, for its care.

Once it happened that for three days they were traveling and they came across villages where people were very antagonistic against Junnaid, because they thought his teachings were not exactly the teachings of Mohammed. His teaching seemed to be his own, and, “He is corrupting people.”

So from three villages they had not got any food, not even water. On the third day they were really in bad shape. His disciples were thinking, “Now let us see what happens in the prayer. How can he now say to existence, ‘You are compassionate to us; your love is there. You care about us, and we are grateful to you.’ ?”

But when the prayer time came, Junnaid prayed the same way. After the prayer the followers said, “This is too much. For three days we have suffered hunger, thirst. We are tired, we have not slept, and still you are saying to existence, ‘You are compassionate, your love towards us is great, and you take so much care that we are grateful to you.’ ”

Junnaid said, “My prayer does not depend on any condition; those things are ordinary. Whether I get food or not I don’t want to bother existence about it — such a small thing in such a big universe. If I don’t get water…even if I die, it does not matter, my prayer will remain the same. Because this vast universe…it makes no difference whether Junnaid is alive or dead.”

This is what I mean when I say, don’t take anything seriously…not even yourself. And then you will see anger simply has not happened. There is no possibility of anger. And anger is certainly one of the great leakages of your spiritual energy. If you can manage to be playful about your desires, and still be the same whether you succeed or you fail.

Just start thinking about yourself at ease…nothing special; not that you are meant to be victorious, not that you have to succeed always in every situation. This is a big world and we are small people.

Once this settles in your being then everything is acceptable. Anger disappears, and the disappearance will bring you a new surprise, because when anger disappears it leaves behind it tremendous energy of compassion, of love, of friendship.

OSHO – The Sword and the Lotus, Talk #9
To read more go to OSHO Library
Copyright © 2010 Osho International Foundation

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What’s Sex Got To Do With It?

If you repress sex you will become angry; the whole energy that was becoming sex will become anger. And it is better to be sexual than to be angry. In sex at least there is something of love; in anger there is only pure violence and nothing else. If sex is repressed, the person becomes violent — either to others he will be violent, or to himself. These are the two possibilities: either he will become a sadist and will torture others, or he will become a masochist and will torture himself. But torture he will.

Do you know, down the ages, the soldiers have not been allowed to have sexual relationships? Why? Because if soldiers are allowed to have sexual relationships they don’t gather enough anger in them, enough violence in them. Their sex becomes a release, they become soft, and a soft person cannot fight. Starve the soldier of sex and he is bound to fight better. In fact, his violence will be a substitute for his sexuality….

I pulled back my sexual longings,
and now I discover that I’m angry a lot.

(Kabir)

A great observer he is, a very minute observer. This is what awareness is. He is watching: he represses his sexual desire and watches — “Now what is happening inside?” Soon he finds that he becomes more angry — for no reason at all, just angry, irritated, ready to fight with anybody, any excuse will do.

And remember, sex can be transformed because it is a natural energy; anger is not so natural, one step removed from nature. Now it will be difficult to change anger. First anger will have to be changed into sex, only then can anything be done — that’s what my work here is. And that’s what I am being condemned for all over the world.

I am trying to change your anger into sex — first that has to be done. That is the way of inner change. First all your perversions have to disappear, and you have to become a natural human being. You have to become a natural animal, to be exact. And then only can you become divine. The animal can be transformed into the divine, but your animal is also very perverted, your animal is not sane — your animal has become insane. First the insanity has to be transformed, changed. Change anger!

I gave up rage, and now I notice
that I am greedy all day.

So he repressed his anger — that’s what one will logically do. You repress sex, anger bubbles up; you repress anger. But he is a close observer, a very minute observer. He says: The moment I repressed my anger I became greedy.

This too is proved: if you watch human history you will find a thousand and one proofs for it. For example, in India Mahavira taught non-violence, and the result has been that all the followers of Mahavira became the most greedy people in the world — they are the Jews of India. The Jainas are the Jews of India. Why did they become so greedy?

Mahavira taught them to be non-violent. Obviously, they started repressing anger; that is the only way that seems possible to the stupid mind: Repress anger! Don’t be violent. And they tried really hard; in every possible way they tried not to be violent. They even stopped agriculture because it is a kind of violence: you will have to pull the plants and cut the crop, and that is violence because plants have life. So Jainas stopped agriculture completely.

Now, they cannot go to the army, they cannot be kshatriyas — they cannot become warriors — because of their ideology of non-violence, and they cannot even be agriculturalists, gardeners; that is impossible. They would not like to become sudras — the untouchables — who clean the roads, the sweepers and the cobblers, because that is too humiliating. And brahmins won’t allow them to function as brahmins — brahmins are very jealous about that. They have been in power for centuries and they don’t allow anybody: nobody can become a brahmin; one has to be a brahmin only by birth. You may become a great, learned man — that doesn’t matter — but you can’t be a Brahmin. There is no way of becoming a brahmin; you have to be born one only. You have to be very careful when you choose your parents; that is the only opportunity to become a brahmin.

So Jainas could not be brahmins, would not like to become sudras were not able to become warriors — then what was left for them? Only business — they became business people. And all their repressed anger became their greed. They became great money-maniacs. Their number is very small; in India their number is so small, not more than thirty lakhs. In a country of sixty crores thirty lakhs is nothing. But they possess more money than anybody else. You will not find a Jaina beggar anywhere; they are all rich people.

Mahavira wanted them to be non-violent, and what really happened was totally different: they became greedy. Repress your anger and you will be greedy….

I worked hard at dissolving the greed,
and now I am proud of myself.

So he repressed his greed and the ultimate result is: he has become a great egoist; he finds himself being very proud. “Look! I have repressed sex, repressed anger, repressed greed — I have done this, I have done that. I have done impossible things!” Now a great ‘I’ arises, the ego becomes strengthened.

That’s why you will find the most crystallized egos in the monks and the nuns. You will not find such crystallized egos anywhere else. The more a person renounces, the more he represses, the more egoistic he becomes. Indians are very egoistic and the reason? — they have all tried in some way or other to be religious. And the only way seems to be repression — and repression brings ego.

A non-repressed person becomes a non-egoist; he cannot carry the ego. There is no prop to support it. He becomes humble, he becomes simple, he becomes ordinary, he has no claim — he knows he is nothing. This whole process that Kabir is describing is beautiful.

Repression is not the way: transformation is the way. Don’t repress anything. If sexuality is there, don’t repress it otherwise you will create a new complexity — which will be more difficult to tackle. And if you repress anger, greed is even more difficult then, and if you repress greed, arises ego, pride, which is the most difficult thing to drop.

Move back: from pride to greed, from greed to anger, from anger to sex. And if you can come to the natural, spontaneous sexuality, things will be very simple. Things will be so simple that you cannot imagine. Then your energy is natural, and natural energy creates no hindrance in transformation. Hence I say: from sex to superconsciousness. Not from anger, not from greed, not from ego, but from sex to superconsciousness.

The transformation can happen only if first you accept your natural being. Whatsoever is natural is good. Yes, more is possible, but the more will be possible only if you accept your nature with totality — if you welcome it, if you have no guilt about it. To be guilty, to feel guilty, is to be irreligious. In the past you have been told just the opposite: Feel guilty and you are religious. I say to you: Feel guilty and you will never be religious. Drop all guilt!

You are whatsoever God has made you. You are whatsoever existence has made you. Sex is not your creation: it is God’s gift. Something tremendously valuable is hidden in it — it is just a shell of your samadhi. If the seed is broken, the shell is broken, the flower will bloom — but not by repression. You will have to learn inner gardening, you will have to become a gardener, you will have to learn how to use dirty fertilizers, manure, and transform manure into roses.

Religion is the most delicate art.

OSHO, The Fish in the Sea Is Not Thirsty, Talk #13
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Copyright © 2010 Osho International Foundation