If you repress sex you will become angry; the whole energy that was becoming sex will become anger. And it is better to be sexual than to be angry. In sex at least there is something of love; in anger there is only pure violence and nothing else. If sex is repressed, the person becomes violent — either to others he will be violent, or to himself. These are the two possibilities: either he will become a sadist and will torture others, or he will become a masochist and will torture himself. But torture he will.
Do you know, down the ages, the soldiers have not been allowed to have sexual relationships? Why? Because if soldiers are allowed to have sexual relationships they don’t gather enough anger in them, enough violence in them. Their sex becomes a release, they become soft, and a soft person cannot fight. Starve the soldier of sex and he is bound to fight better. In fact, his violence will be a substitute for his sexuality….
I pulled back my sexual longings,
and now I discover that I’m angry a lot.
A great observer he is, a very minute observer. This is what awareness is. He is watching: he represses his sexual desire and watches — “Now what is happening inside?” Soon he finds that he becomes more angry — for no reason at all, just angry, irritated, ready to fight with anybody, any excuse will do.
And remember, sex can be transformed because it is a natural energy; anger is not so natural, one step removed from nature. Now it will be difficult to change anger. First anger will have to be changed into sex, only then can anything be done — that’s what my work here is. And that’s what I am being condemned for all over the world.
I am trying to change your anger into sex — first that has to be done. That is the way of inner change. First all your perversions have to disappear, and you have to become a natural human being. You have to become a natural animal, to be exact. And then only can you become divine. The animal can be transformed into the divine, but your animal is also very perverted, your animal is not sane — your animal has become insane. First the insanity has to be transformed, changed. Change anger!
I gave up rage, and now I notice
that I am greedy all day.
So he repressed his anger — that’s what one will logically do. You repress sex, anger bubbles up; you repress anger. But he is a close observer, a very minute observer. He says: The moment I repressed my anger I became greedy.
This too is proved: if you watch human history you will find a thousand and one proofs for it. For example, in India Mahavira taught non-violence, and the result has been that all the followers of Mahavira became the most greedy people in the world — they are the Jews of India. The Jainas are the Jews of India. Why did they become so greedy?
Mahavira taught them to be non-violent. Obviously, they started repressing anger; that is the only way that seems possible to the stupid mind: Repress anger! Don’t be violent. And they tried really hard; in every possible way they tried not to be violent. They even stopped agriculture because it is a kind of violence: you will have to pull the plants and cut the crop, and that is violence because plants have life. So Jainas stopped agriculture completely.
Now, they cannot go to the army, they cannot be kshatriyas — they cannot become warriors — because of their ideology of non-violence, and they cannot even be agriculturalists, gardeners; that is impossible. They would not like to become sudras — the untouchables — who clean the roads, the sweepers and the cobblers, because that is too humiliating. And brahmins won’t allow them to function as brahmins — brahmins are very jealous about that. They have been in power for centuries and they don’t allow anybody: nobody can become a brahmin; one has to be a brahmin only by birth. You may become a great, learned man — that doesn’t matter — but you can’t be a Brahmin. There is no way of becoming a brahmin; you have to be born one only. You have to be very careful when you choose your parents; that is the only opportunity to become a brahmin.
So Jainas could not be brahmins, would not like to become sudras were not able to become warriors — then what was left for them? Only business — they became business people. And all their repressed anger became their greed. They became great money-maniacs. Their number is very small; in India their number is so small, not more than thirty lakhs. In a country of sixty crores thirty lakhs is nothing. But they possess more money than anybody else. You will not find a Jaina beggar anywhere; they are all rich people.
Mahavira wanted them to be non-violent, and what really happened was totally different: they became greedy. Repress your anger and you will be greedy….
I worked hard at dissolving the greed,
and now I am proud of myself.
So he repressed his greed and the ultimate result is: he has become a great egoist; he finds himself being very proud. “Look! I have repressed sex, repressed anger, repressed greed — I have done this, I have done that. I have done impossible things!” Now a great ‘I’ arises, the ego becomes strengthened.
That’s why you will find the most crystallized egos in the monks and the nuns. You will not find such crystallized egos anywhere else. The more a person renounces, the more he represses, the more egoistic he becomes. Indians are very egoistic and the reason? — they have all tried in some way or other to be religious. And the only way seems to be repression — and repression brings ego.
A non-repressed person becomes a non-egoist; he cannot carry the ego. There is no prop to support it. He becomes humble, he becomes simple, he becomes ordinary, he has no claim — he knows he is nothing. This whole process that Kabir is describing is beautiful.
Repression is not the way: transformation is the way. Don’t repress anything. If sexuality is there, don’t repress it otherwise you will create a new complexity — which will be more difficult to tackle. And if you repress anger, greed is even more difficult then, and if you repress greed, arises ego, pride, which is the most difficult thing to drop.
Move back: from pride to greed, from greed to anger, from anger to sex. And if you can come to the natural, spontaneous sexuality, things will be very simple. Things will be so simple that you cannot imagine. Then your energy is natural, and natural energy creates no hindrance in transformation. Hence I say: from sex to superconsciousness. Not from anger, not from greed, not from ego, but from sex to superconsciousness.
The transformation can happen only if first you accept your natural being. Whatsoever is natural is good. Yes, more is possible, but the more will be possible only if you accept your nature with totality — if you welcome it, if you have no guilt about it. To be guilty, to feel guilty, is to be irreligious. In the past you have been told just the opposite: Feel guilty and you are religious. I say to you: Feel guilty and you will never be religious. Drop all guilt!
You are whatsoever God has made you. You are whatsoever existence has made you. Sex is not your creation: it is God’s gift. Something tremendously valuable is hidden in it — it is just a shell of your samadhi. If the seed is broken, the shell is broken, the flower will bloom — but not by repression. You will have to learn inner gardening, you will have to become a gardener, you will have to learn how to use dirty fertilizers, manure, and transform manure into roses.
Religion is the most delicate art.
OSHO, The Fish in the Sea Is Not Thirsty, Talk #13
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